map_of_the_world

For those of us who live at the shoreline
standing upon the constant edges of decision
crucial and alone
for those of us who cannot indulge
the passing dreams of choice
who love in doorways coming and going
in the hours between dawns
looking inward and outward
at once before and after
seeking a now that can breed
futures
like bread in our children’s mouths
so their dreams will not reflect
the death of ours:

For those of us
who were imprinted with fear
like a faint line in the center of our foreheads
learning to be afraid with our mother’s milk
for by this weapon
this illusion of some safety to be found
the heavy-footed hoped to silence us
For all of us
this instant and this triumph
We were never meant to survive.

And when the sun rises we are afraid
it might not remain
when the sun sets we are afraid
it might not rise in the morning
when our stomachs are full we are afraid
of indigestion
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
we may never eat again
when we are loved we are afraid
love will vanish
when we are alone we are afraid
love will never return
and when we speak we are afraid
our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid

So it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meant to survive

if I can leave one patch of earth richer, more fertile, more alive than it was when I found it

if I can equip just one young person with the skills they need to survive this vast complicated life

If I can make one older person feel that their life experience and advice is precious, valuable, to me

If I can support and strengthen just one community by being part of it

If I can give myself precious time and space and silence to write my poetry in, whether any one else reads it or not

If I groom and feed and exercise and love all the dogs who ever live in my circle to the best of my ability

If I make my home a warm safe welcoming place for all who enter it, including me and Paul

If I spend precious time and energy weaving, repairing, sustaining links to my tribe so they know I love them and I know they love me.


And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah


That will have to be enough in the end

I am all over the place. suggest something for me to write about,.